He thought his wife Mehrunima was a common obedient homemaker. So he tried to change her to suit his sensibilities of what his wife should be like. And when the change did not happen, he left her. She married again. And the second marriage gave birth to Madhur Jaffrey. The common housewife became a famous chef.

The difference between  the two husbands was very simple. Her second husband, enjoyed her the way she was. He did not try to change her. And I guess, his acceptance of who she was, made her more confident. While he, perhaps would have completely discounted her skills.  If someone would have told him, your wife is a great cook, he would have gone – eh, so what!

This thing of acceptance, is what gave birth to the chef. You don’t love people for what they can do for you, you love them for who they are – whatever they are. Genuine love does not try to change the other. It only seeks to free the other to pursue whatever he or she wants and encourages the other to excel in their space.

It’s a very difficult state to be in, to love someone exactly for who they are, no exclusions, no clauses but an unbelievably freeing state to be in.


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