Sometime ago it was father’s day and so many posts were emotional ones about dads and how wonderful they are or were. I suppose there is a feeling of security that one feels when we speak of our fathers, of unconditional love that we may have received.
At the other end of the spectrum are those who have not had the privilege of being ‘fathered’ either physically or emotionally. The lack of someone standing like a tree to shade you from world’s nasty. The feeling of being rootless and having to build your own roots. Of wanting secretly a cushion that you can fall back on with a 100% guarantee that it will be there. A cushion that sadly does not exist.
To them, I would say – be your own father, build your own father. Seek people with traits of a father – not in physical terms but emotional and spiritual terms. The world has a term for such people – friends, mentors, gurus etc. A real blood parent cannot be ever gotten 100 per cent when there was none to being with.
But a man without any fatherly traits is only a man, and millions of children have only men in their lives, not fathers. So seek those traits that make a man a father. And perhaps some parts of what father-ing is all about, will start filling those gaps in your emotional state. The gaps that make people see the world in a screwed up way.
Unlike others who are born into normal and who see the world with rose-tinted glasses. For those who are not fathered well, these glasses have to be built from ground zero. So what’s left to do? But build them, slowly, one part at a time.